I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
