Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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