He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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