At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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