i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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