Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
