i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
the raccoons are back...
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