think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
