Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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