The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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