I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
