I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
