Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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