Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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