I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
