Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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