Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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