awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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