you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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