By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
