im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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