From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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