I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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