Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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