a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
