I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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