Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
