I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
