You're my little dorito
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
