she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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