In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
