She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
