I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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