Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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