Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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