Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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