Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
