At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
