he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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