Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
