No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
