his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Green mimosas i think yes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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