you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize