There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
whose parrot is this?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
