Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
