who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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