The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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