I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
