It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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