Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
