i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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