he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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