I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
