soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize