My liver just broke up with me...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
