It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
