just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am one with the molecules
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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