we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
