my mouth tastes like poor choices
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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