Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
