a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
