everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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