Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
