he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
